Week two: the Meat Liquor Triple Chilli Challenge. Ie a ten-minute race to scoff a chilli dog, a burger and chilli-coated cheese fries. While a man yells at you through a megaphone.
Week four: a challenge tried by over 1,000 people and only ever beaten by five. Fourty-five minutes to scoff a pile of chips, sauerkraut, two huge pork knuckles, potato salad and two pints of beer. Warning: beer purists may not appreciate my technique.
Week five: trying to eat a gargantuan fry-up consisting of six sausages, six rashers of bacon, six hash browns, four fried slices, four slices of toast, four eggs, four slices of black pudding, plum tomatoes, beans and mushrooms. In 45 minutes.
Week six: Amici's two-kilo calzone challenge. Ie eating a four-foot long calzone so massive it doesn't even fit onto the table. Also entirely stuffed with cheese, ham, olives and sun-dried tomatoes, of course.
Week eight: Red Saloon in Hoxton's Naga Viper Chilli Chicken challenge. Ie eating chicken wings so spicy that they're over two-thirds of the way to being as hot as pepper spray.
Week ten: going head-to-head against Hungry Ronin, one of London's genuine competitive eaters on the Beast Burger. Ie a piece of meat that's bigger than most babies, served with 1lb of chips and a milkshake.